2025 Christmas Letter

As I read through all the Christmas letters I habitually receive, I am forced to do some reflection myself. Yes, another really tough one; overwhelmingly my year was spent getting through, step by step. I thought an exercise reminiscing on the fun I was able to find may be healthy for my perspective. Let’s see how I do. I am going back more than 2025; as you might expect, my memories are divided into before and after. This is a look back to after.

First let me get past the rest: March 14, 2023 my life changed, when Mark’s life ended. I miss Mark every second. I still cry most days. His absence in my life is just deafening. I was so very lucky to have loved as completely as we did. Lucky to have had the closeness and camaraderie we shared. And blessed to have collected the adventures and experiences we did together. For me to jot down that list would very quickly turn into a book. Hey, that is an idea for another exercise.

I have grown so much in the past year plus. It has been excruciating. But growth is seldom painless. I have managed many firsts as a solo person. I had never lived alone before. I never went to a wedding alone before. I managed taxes alone. I managed house issues and car troubles. I got sick enough I needed hospitalization and managed to get me there and Honey sorted. My first foray into travel, I forgot my passport. Turned out I had it the whole time, but couldn’t find it. Missed that plane. I managed that. I have managed. 

My first trip was early on, May 2024 as a reward for tackling some of the early death-related tasks. I went to England to visit some of our friends: Simon and Joanne. We met them when we house sit their dogs and cats, in their thatched roof large character home in Sunnngwell, Oxfordshire. This is a house sit we repeated several times and have become friends. Instead of them traveling to attend Mark’s memorial in Spain, it was decided I would quickly get up to England to see them and Peggy (my absolute favorite housesit charge). Simon and Joanne treated me to a lovely visit, we went to a show, and ate and drank like kings. Both of them are gourmet cooks and really appreciate their food and wine. Simon has spent his career in the wine business and knows his way around a bottle. We met up with another couple of wine masters for some fun wine tasting and gentle competition where the wine shop owner attempted to stump them. I held my own. Much easier when she is throwing out curveballs; knowledge becomes a liability. Wild ass guessing held up. 

I gave in to getting a dog.  May 15, 2024 I adopted Honey. I woke up feeling like I was circling the drain. I recognized I was in trouble and needed to do something quick. My solution was to adopt a dog. Quick. I got a friend, Mark’s cycling buddy Roland, on the case. He found Honey. She was just about the oldest dog at the sanctuary where he volunteers. Honey spent almost all her life in a kennel; she appeared to be about 10 and she has had a lot of puppies. The shelter where she spent most of her life was making a lot of money adopting out her puppies. About 18 months previous this shelter was folded and the shelter where I found Honey (Goldra) took the 4 oldest dogs there. She has a wonky stomach, rotten teeth, a limp and I didn’t think she could hear (she does, she just doesn’t listen). At first I was not sure I did Honey a favor by adopting her. She was afraid of a lot of things, not even comfortable walking on grass. She gets car sick in about 1 km (we have speed bumps and roundabouts and she just cannot tolerate the swaying).

But she is a resilient dog and self assured and independent. It is no wonder how she fared so well in a shelter and whatever came before. We have a lot of abandoned dogs in Portugal; it’s is very likely she spent time on the street. She shows all the independence and smarts that would require. There is a Portuguese breed called Podenco. Honey is definitely part podenco. Her pointy nose and general size, the white spot on her head and tip of tail are podenco traits. Her color, called caramelo here, and stoutness (podengos are lean like greyhounds) suggest part labrador. She probably had cute puppies that were passed off as labradors. In the first couple months we figured each other out. I have figured out how to get her to eat (the secret seems to be to let her eat in bed). And she comes most of the time when I call her. I gave up on “sit”. it is very true what they say about old dogs; Honey does nothing she doesn’t want to. I have someone to talk to and she has made me maintain a routine. Adopting Honey was a quick and not well thought out decision. I intended to leave my options open but this move has driven a few other decisions. I may need to move to a house with a garden; Honey loves the sun. 

We are a team. Good for each other. A good choice she turned out to be. That dog has a big job and she seems to know it. She tells me when I need self care before I figure it out myself. We spend many mornings at the beach. Having a now 12 year old dog doing the zoomies at the beach is good for both of us. I appreciate the beach so much more seeing her enjoy it. One of the reasons for getting a dog was to force me to get out of bed if I was feeling down. Luckily I have not had that problem because Honey is not the dog for this. She sleeps in! I used to make it to the gym by 8am, not anymore. If I can get Honey up by 9am, I am lucky. I think it is part of feeling safe for the first time in her life that she can sleep so well, and I am happy to be providing that. 

I made my first trip back to Jimena, Spain (where Mark died) in May. It was a trip already planned for an epic birthday party of my friends Corky and Jon. a Three-day party! I had a great time dancing, and meeting very interesting people. Honey made the journey; this was the first week I had her. She really does not do well in cars and this 5 hour drive was a lot to ask. Luckily she loves the finca in Spain, loves the andalusian sun, and I believe she finds the drive worth it. We have done it many times since. I continue to house sit for Corky every chance I get; she continues to travel every chance she gets. 

The next month I accompanied Corky on a horse trek. I love horses; Mark was not comfortable, so this was not something I was not likely to do with him. It made for a natural thing to start doing. It is like hut to hut hiking, on horseback. We stayed at a hotel in a small village the first night.

And a refugio the next. Refugios are like community centers, but in the nature. You can rent them from the village council for parties and the like. This one was an old, large farmhouse, built around a courtyard, spanish style. We had 4 adult women and 3 kids to entertain while the horses rested and munched. Sitting on a horse is good for the soul; doing it without a road in sight for days on end, even better. 

The first big adventure was barely 90 days after Mark’s passing. I bravely decided to take a version of a trip we had planned. I trekked to Norway alone. My plan was to join an Adventure tour, kayaking and hiking in the fjords. First I had two days in Bergen, followed by a scenic train ride to Voss, where the tour grouped. This Train is one of the world’s most beautiful routes. After the tour I finished the route and ended in Olso for another two days of exploring alone. 

Well I landed in Bergen coming down with a bad cold. I struggled through getting sick in a strange town alone for the first time. I was so weak, I did not want to travel out to get food and I had to decide between foraging for meds in a foreign language or finding food. Off to a good start. That aside, Bergen is so cute, people welcoming and lovely. On the second day I treated myself to a tasting menu dinner. I went early, was nearly completely alone in the restaurant enjoying the first really nice dinner without a companion to talk with about the food. Not for wimps. But the staff was friendly, and I managed a lovely time. I also managed to join a walking tour of Bergen that was informative and gavel me some camaraderie. 

The train was pretty as advertised. But nothing compared to getting out on the fjord in a kayak. And camping beside it the first night; an otter came very close for a look at us. My tour was 12 people, 3 retired couples and the rest singles, all much younger than I. But as you probably could guess, I kept up with them, dragging them alone behind me as necessary. Everyone was very nice and inclusive.

There was a lot of hiking, most of it up, always ending with spectacular view. I brought some ashes and left them in a few spots. I learned the hard way about how wind comes over cliffs. I undoubtedly brought some of Mark back home in my clothes. 

We kayaked, camped, we hiked, we trekked on a glacier, and every chance we got, we fell asleep on the bus. This trip rated moderate for physical activity is on a different scale from the active trips I have taken before, I recommend it highly. And the Norwegian country, is the prettiest place I have visited with the possible exception of New Zealand. I definitely want to come back for more of it. 

I left the group in Voss and continued the train ride to Oslo. I sat with a lady from Israel, also on a get away from reality expedition alone. This was July 2024 for perspective. Once I hit Oslo and planned to cut up the city like Mark and I always did… I had a meltdown and spent the next two days mostly holed up in my upgraded hotel room. Learning experience. So after this, as nice as the nice parts were, I decided I was not quite ready for traveling alone. I need to go home and regroup. In retrospect, it was way too early to try that.

In August 2024 I traveled back to the states  for the first time. My niece was getting married in November and I did not want my first trip home to coincide with that happy occasion. My excuse for making the trip was my nephew’s 21 birthday party happening in Nashville. That part of the trip did not happen in the end, but I made the trip to San Diego and also Montana to visit my niece anyway. I had a lot of ugly business to attend to in that trip, but also happy times. Brooke’s new house near Helena was the highlight. Visiting all our friends in San Diego, lovely, but bittersweet for everyone. I arranged a swim out at La Jolla Shores to scatter ashes in the sea. Gathering so many of our triathlon friends for a swim dedicated to Mark made the whole trip worth the challenge. 

OMG this trip was a challenge. As the expert traveler that I think I am, I can only laugh. It started when I could not find my passport at the airport. Looking through my luggage, I broke a bottle of port in my suitcase. I never found the passport. I took an uber home; I missed the flight. My fault, this $4000 ticket is going to be a total loss I thought. My flight included a 5 hr layover in Lisbon. Lisbon is a 2 hr drive. I tried to talk the airline into letting me keep the rest of the legs even though I missed the first flight. They would not. But they agreed to give me a new flight leaving Lisbon an hour earlier. So I dropped everything to try to catch the bus to Lisbon. 

I saw that bus pull out while my uber was turning around. Missed it. No other buses would get me to Lisbon in time (although in my panic I bought 2 other tickets). I took an Uber. Got there in time, but not enough to hit the lounge. And then… the flight was canceled. I spent the night in Lisbon. By the way, my passport was in my checked bag the whole time, along with 3 bottles (then 2 bottles) of port for friends. 

The overnight in Lisbon had a silver lining. I have a facebook friend that lives there. She has been a very good friend via facebook messenger, although we had never met. So I rang her and she recommended a hotel across from her apartment. We had a lovely Lebanese dinner that night and properly met. Next morning I was back at the airport on standby. I managed to get on a flight to Newark.

We landed in Newark just ahead of a storm that grounded everything. My flight to San Diego was delayed into the wee hours of the night before being officially canceled. I got a hotel at an exorbitant rate because everyone else grounded was already tucked in. I am now 2 days late getting to San Diego. I had planned a quick 24 hrs in SD before going with Karen to visit Brooke in Montana. I missed that flight. I changed it one day, but I am now missing that. So I arranged to travel directly to Bozeman. Karen would take the postponed ticket from SD. That worked. 

Except my luggage, including Mark’s ashes, did not go to Bozemen. I asked the airline to hold it in SD, but guess what, they did not, it went to Montana, just as we were leaving to return to SD. 

Eventually I made it to San Diego, after a really nice visit with Karen and Brook in Montana. Eventually my luggage and I were reunited. Except the port, it did not. 

In November, I made another trek to San Diego for Delaney’s wedding. No mishaps. Lovely wedding and fabulous reason to make the trip. Again visited friends. It is still hard, but maybe slightly easier. 

In between those, I met up with some old friends traveling through Spain. We met for a few days in Ronda. Ronda is a lovely town, one of the most picturesque in Andalucia. Troy and Bill and I had a fantastic time catching up. Meeting San Diego friends in Europe is one of my favorite things. I hope you all indulge me in this at one time or another. 

Christmas 2024 was something I dreaded. I did not want to ruin anyone else’s Christmas, but I did not want to be alone either. Simon and Joanne in Oxfordshire were adamant I joined them and I relented. They had another Dutch couple that they know from their many trips to Bonaire also visiting. The 5 of us, sometimes another couple or two, had a fantastic week of food and wine. Remember Simon and Joanne are experts. I cannot tell you how well we ate and drank. Just picture at least 50 Riedel glasses being washed about twice a day. Simon and Joanne must have spent weeks planning the Christmas and Boxing Day menus, and curating foods, and poaching their cellar. Most people never taste even one of those well crafted, well cellered wines. Let alone perfectly paired with gourmet, cooked with love, food. I was truly in heaven. 

So that was 2024. 

2025 was a slog. My residency permit has expired in October 2024,  with no way to renew (Portugal’s fault, not mine). So traveling is dicey. Planning travel is an exercise in frustration. End of 2025, it is still the same status. Even so, I managed a few respites of fun travel.

In March I went to Madrid and Valencia Spain with Simon and Joanne. Simon is a photography hobbyist, well better than hobbyist. And he wanted to see the spectacle of Las Fallas in Valencia. Simon and Joanne, are well traveled, like most Brits, and I like to think, myself. And traveling for a cultural festival is what one does. 

Las Falas is a festival where each neighborhood in Valencia makes a big, several story high sculpture (fallas) out of paper mache. There are parades of townspeople in traditional dress going over the several day festival. And on the last day, all the fallas are burned. Imagine 3 story sculptures being burned in the narrow lanes of Valencia, right next to 3 story buildings. 

Unfortunately it rained most of the time. We still got out into the festivities, got soaked, and got a few photos and videos.

In April another cultural trip, coupled with a horse trek in El Rocio Spain. This town could be a American Western movie set. People gallop into town and tie their horses at the bars still to this day. The bar cafes all have outdoor bars about 6 feet high; situated for people sitting on horses. This is the site of the biggest pilgrimage in Spain, bigger than the Camino de Santiago and all done via horse. It includes barging horses over the salt marches that surround the town. There are shrines throughout the forest where the different hermandades (brotherhoods) traveling together from their various towns camp and pray. We were not here during the Romeria, I think that would be a zoo: they get a million people plus horses congregating at this little town. We enjoyed the fantastic horse riding without the crowds. The area is very sandy, so the gallops were epic through pine forest. We also rode to the coast; the longest beach in Europe. And galloped for miles without many people to veer around except a few fisherman. 

In May Karen and Delaney came for a visit. I pulled all the stops to give them a fantastic trip in hopes that Karen would catch the travel bug and we could do more, hopefully in areas new to me too. We rented a sailboat for a day in Vilamoura, had a spa day at Quinta del Logo’s swankiest, drinks at beach bars and on our marina (Portugal’s best), horse riding at the beach. 

Then headed to Seville for a few tourist days, then Jerez during the horse feria (another bit of Spanish culture: horses and flamenco and sherry).

We toured a Sherry bodega and tasted sherry. Then on to my little happy place; Corky graciously donated her house for us for a few days. And her horses. We had a couple trail rides, went to Ronda, Gibraltar and another beach bar on the mediterranean. They visited the Atlantic coast and Mediterranean in the same trip. I am not sure they caught the bug though.

August was a trip to San Diego for another happy occasion: Brooke is getting married next year, so threw an engagement party this year. It was another great excuse for me to make the trek to San Diego. I got a lot of quality time with my mother and friends, and cuddles from Karma (Karen’s, used to be my, Labrador). Brooke’s wedding will be in Montana, so this was the last party in San Diego for the foreseeable future. The flight was flawless. I flew to London and had a 30 hour overnight layover. Enough time for me to visit Kew Gardens. I love botanical gardens, and have visited my share. But as many times as we were in England, I have never visited Kew. Time alone with those big trees was really good for my soul. I think I am still benefitting from those few hours. Kew is a treasure of Victorian wrought iron glass hot houses, rare plants, and a victorian era collection of old trees. 

Yes, I am happy to see the backside of 2025. I hope 2026 will be better. I have a chance for another chapter and I am actively looking for it but it has not written itself yet. Mark would have wanted me to continue on my journey and I will try to do that. Travel for sure. I have trips I want to make, I think I am ready to go. Just need that damned residency to get sorted out. After all this, I am not sure Portugal will be in my future forever; it is not turning out to be the welcoming country it was advertised. Of course I really need to get perspective on that, other than bureaucratic nonsense, the people have been super.  We will see. I have made loads of friends here, some so dear. 

My friends in Portugal and Spain and San Diego, and parts in between, have pulled my through this challenging horrible chapter. I will not mention many, because they know who they are and know how much I appreciate them. A few require mention: Joanne and Simon Blower, as you can see they feature prominently in my happiest moments of the past year and a half. Corky and the Addis family too; I feel nearly adopted by them sometimes. My sister Karen and her family. And my close friends in Vilamoura who help me through the day in, day out life I am forging here. It is taking a village; I am so thankful I have one. I love you all.

Well this exercise worked as planned. Looking through pictures for the ones I used here, I caught myself smiling more than once. And likewise I noticed myself smiling in so many pictures. 

I hope to improve on that in the next year and beyond. What I really need are travel companions, so please speak up if you have any trips where a hanger-on single adventurous female fits in. I have my eye on a S. African horse safari: yes, safari by horse back. Argentina, again with horse trekking. Japan. Cambodia, Thailand (if they can stop fighting each other),  Laos and Vietnam. Georgia (European not US), Albania. Slovenia, Dolomites and Switzerland. That should take care of 2026 and 2027. 

Happy traveling; I wish you all a happy, healthy 2026 with love of friends and family.